Seductive Networking by Adam Hawkins anodizeproductions.com

This post is from http://annhawkins.com

“Be seductive” the man said. “Use your voice, your eyes, your body to seduce the person you’re talking to. Make them WANT to get to know you better.”

“Most importantly”, he added, “Remember, it’s not about YOU! To be interesting you need to be more interested in the person you’re talking to than in yourself.”

“THE man” was @SteveTrister and if you haven’t seen him perform, you’re missing out big time.

Steve was entertaining a bunch of business owners and at the same time giving them invaluable tips on how to get the best out of the networking experience. His performance was brilliant; full of really funny observations about all the ways to alienate people and how to be really engaging and not just spout a tired old elevator pitch.

He put particular emphasis on being aware of the emotions we create in others and how to make real connections. Steve’s performance was great and the interactive session where he got people to practice was lively and seemed to get good results.

And then we went back to networking and the carapace of the seasoned networked slammed firmly back into place. I know habits take more than a few minutes to change but hell’s teeth, even the most unaware person in the room couldn’t have missed the main message:

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!

Yet here we were with myopic men peering at chests to read name badges to decide whether (chest notwithstanding) someone was worth talking to, instead of making eye contact and simply saying, “I’m Bill, who are you?”

No attempt at small talk, not even the slightest interest in the person (again, chest notwithstanding), only in the business they run.

If “What do you do?” was banned from the vocabulary, most serial networkers would be struck dumb.

Well pardon me folks, but I am more than my business. If I start a conversation with “I like your tie / necklace / hair colour / codpiece” or “What’s the wine / canapés / cocaine like?” I don’t expect the response to be “What do you do?” followed by (and usually without pausing for breath), a lengthy description about your business.

I’m looking for banter, rapport, a bit of fun, an exchange of ideas.

If I just wanted to know what business people are in I can get that from the attendance list. The reason for going to networking meetings must surely to meet the PEOPLE not the businesses, to discover if they’re funny, quirky, boring or obnoxious.

I WANT to be seduced but it seems like there’s fat chance of that ever happening.

Be honest now, how many times have you come away from a networking meeting having been totally fascinated and charmed by someone, irrespective of whether their business is of any interest to you?

Which is a shame because I’m sure in ‘real life’ most networkers are charming and fascinating and they know equally charming and fascinating people but we’re all missing out on those extended connections because we never get further than “What do you do?”. No one has a real conversation because they’re too busy looking over each other shoulders to see who they’re missing.

Whoever invented the term “Working the room” should be sent to networking purgatory. You won’t find Steve Trister there – he’ll be too busy having fun and making people laugh!

Find Steve Trister at http://www.stevetrister.com

If you want to learn how to give a high impact, influential and memorable message every time you speak, take a look here: http://www.performancedynamite.co.uk/

and catch Steve in Cambridge on 15th December!

Interestingly, Twitter seems to amplify  the habits that people display in other networking arenas. Before I follow someone on Twitter I check out their tweet stream to see if they sound interesting, if they interact with others and have a bit of fun. If they just broadcast endless one-way messages, and especially use repetitive auto tweets  I generally don’t follow them.  Auto tweeting is like sending a recording to a party and expecting to pull! If networkers displayed their Twitter name on their contact details it would make networking much easier – there’s no where for the boring, self important types to hide!

What do you think? Am I expecting too much? Are we people first and businesses second? What would happen if, instead of asking “What do you do?”, we asked each other “Who are you and what are you interested in?” Are YOU a seductive networker? Tell me below ……

…. and to all the sponsors, donors and helpers (you’ll find them all on the pages of this blog)

Video clips from Phil Begnett www.wtvmedia.co.uk http://www.youtube.com/philwtv#p/u/3/mEvvFkwPs-E

Photos from Adam Hawkins www.anodizeproductions.com http://www.flickr.com/photos/annhawkins/sets/72157622896549547/show/

Here are a few of the comments from attendees:

Thank you for making last night such a success. From experience I know how much effort goes into events like this, so can appreciate all the hard work that went on ‘behind the scenes’. Simon Brooks www.contacts4business.com

A big thank you for putting on last night’s event. Great Fun, great contacts and I am sure you will be very proud of the value you brought to the Cambridge business community. It was a real success. Should you do the same next year! Bill Nelson and Graham Reading www.cmrworld.com

Thank you for a fabulous evening. Great company, great food and a lovely atmosphere – what more could a girl ask for! Please pass on my thanks to all those involved. Sue Isaacson www.thehrdept.co.uk

Thank you for the party – it was a great night and a brilliant atmosphere! It was good to meet people too that I hadn’t seen for a long time. Pauline Creek www.cambridgeaccounts.co.uk

What a fantastic event. Lots of cambridge women there I was pleased to note but I think there will definitely be some new attendees in the new year. Thanks so much for all your hard work in organising this, went with a bang! Jane Horwood www.cambridgewomen.co.uk

Wow Ann, a brilliant evening with lovely friends and wonderful entertainment. Thank You QTMervyn via Twitter

Thank you for arranging such a great event last night. My voice sounds like yours did last night, today. DaveAllan72 via Twitter

Awesome night at the Christmas networking party!#TCN PVE67 via Twitter

Well done for #tcn. Great event TheAndyIrvine via Twitter

Many thanks. Great night – the most fun I’ve had networking in years. Asapce2b via Twitter

Many thanks for the party last night & for the opportunity to network & help raise money for such a good cause. DibsFlinders via Twitter

RT @Emma_Fryer @AnnHawkins @MisterCrispy @ReaderRoz Fab #TCNevent last night Thanks to all involved. Great event < — Here, Here BombshellAcad via Twitter

Fab event last night Thanks to all involved. Clearly lots of hard work went into this great event Emma_Fryer via Twitter  PS @Lindsay_Abbott great performances last night at #TCN

Thank you for organising a great evening, it was fun… UpShotMedia via Twitter

Big thank you to all people that helped at last night’s #tcn it’s always more a gathering of friends than a networking event MaxGaet via Twitter

Thnxs to all the  helpers for #TCN party last nightand special thanks to @mistercrispy for the great Burmese food MoiraUpton via Twitter

Many thks for excellent network party last night NigelWathen viaTwitter

Lovely to meet you tonight at#tcn very much enjoyed it.. good show put on by all  YourfirstPA via Twitter

Lovely 2 C so many tweets from ppl who met up 4 1st time 2nite. As usual I dnt get 2 talk 2 half the ppl there! #TCN Lindsay_Abbott via Twitter

Excellent night #TCN Congrats@AnnHawkins @MisterCrispy and team on a super evening avonfin via Twitter

Great to meet @IanMcKendrick@AnnHawkins @ToniHunter@ChrisWebplus @bartercardgary@avonfin to name a few at #tcn tonite. Merry Xmas all click4causes via Twitter

RT @kristidunlap Great time at #TCN, lovely to see so many of you there! Thx@AnnHawkins and all the other helpers! // ditto! NatFinnigan via Twitter

Great time at #TCN, lovely to see so many of you there! Thx @AnnHawkins and all the other helpers! KristiDunlap via Twitter

A great night at #tcn good to see so many friendly and familiar faces, well done. SimonLaskey via Twitter

Just to say a huge thank you for all your efforts both in putting the event together and in the running of it this evening. Everyone I spoke to thought the evening a great success and something which would be good to do again. John Gibson Giddings Lane Will consultancy

Just a quick message Ann to say thank you and everyone who organised and contributed to last night’s bash, a very big thankyou from me, it was a great event! Joanna Holding www.wearmyhair.com

Thanks for a nice evening. Whoever did the food well done. Clare Driver www.domesticblissappointments.co.uk